5 ‘Lovesick’ Fictional Characters Who Are Really Just Dicks

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Despite their predilection for casual racism, I love classic novels. I’ve spent many a night on the couch curled up with some literary oldies, and the Bronte sisters always came through. Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre (which has gotten many, many film adaptations) is one of the first classic romantic novels I’d ever read in which both the female and male leads were described as straight up ugly. As a young lady getting smacked in the face by puberty, I found that intriguing. Throughout all the twists and turns and trifling side chicks, I kept rooting for Jane and Mr. Rochester to beat the odds and end up together. Two 5s coming together to make a 10. It oddly won me over as a preteen.

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where can i buy cheap jordans online But neither of these relationship absurdities come close to the fact that this man has a secret wife trapped cheap jordans from china in his house that no one in the whole damn city knew about. And Jane only finds out about it on their wedding day. Of course, Edward “Master of Disguises” Rochester plays it off like “Well, you know, we all come with some baggage.” True, Edward, but if we’re talking about baggage, you’re basically wearing a suitcase as a shirt. You have a secret wife that you’ve cheap air jordan kept in the house that JANE IS LIVING IN. “Secret imprisoned wife nobody knows about” is a step away from being a Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel. Rowling probably meant well. Instead of cheap yeezys letting Severus Snape serve as a cartoonish, greasy haired fairy tale villain, she gave him a redemption arc and a tragic backstory. So we Harry Potter fans got six books’ worth of watching Snape shit on Harry, Harry’s friends, Harry’s family, Harry’s classmates, basically anyone who was even slightly on Team Harry. Then in Deathly Hallows, we got the twist: Snape was on Dumbledore’s side the whole time, and had been showing immense bravery by spying on Voldemort. So he gets to die a hero, and it turns out he had a reason for his cruelty. where can i buy cheap jordans online

buy cheap jordan shoes We learn that Snape was secretly in love with Harry’s mother, Lily, which explains his animosity toward Harry for cheap jordans free shipping all those years. Snape fangirls and Snape/Lily shippers were vindicated (if you were a part of online Harry Potter fandom, this was a life changing paradigm shift). See, all that nasty Snape stuff was due to pent up rage that came from his unrequited love. How romantic! Harry even names his son after him, proving that all is forgiven. It’s beautiful, as long as you forget about literally every detail of it. buy cheap jordan shoes

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cheap jordan t shirt He pined after a woman who (rightfully) stopped associating with him after he called her a wizard slur, and he only switched sides when his boss set his kill sights on her an event which Dumbledore used to convince Snape to help him take Voldemort down. He only did his one nice thing in his whole life because he got pissed at Voldemort for going after his high school crush. Zooey Deschanel is charming as ever as the bubbly manic pixie girl of Joseph Gordon cheap jordans china Levitt’s dreams, in a story cheap jordans from china that slowly turns sour as she jerks cheap jordans in china him around. She acts interested, then distant. when they don’t end up happily ever after, you feel his pain. They were perfect for each other! Why didn’t she just see that? What’s with all the games, Zooey?? cheap jordan t shirt

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cheap jordan sites When it becomes clear that they are on two different levels (he considers her the woman of his dreams, she considers him an increasingly creepy friend whom she’s having sex with), Summer breaks up with Tom, and he freaks the hell out. He has a crazy breakdown at work, lashes out at everyone around him, and when he goes on a date with another woman, he just talks shit about Summer and then insults said woman for not being her. He cheap adidas even buys LIQUOR in the DAYTIME (that’s movie shorthand for “This man has truly spiraled”). Through it all, he’s cheap jordans for sale a “good guy who good things just don’t happen to,” in his own words. cheap jordan sites

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cheap jordans and nikes Xander Harris is the geeky everyman of Sunnydale High, and saves the world a few times even though he has no supernatural or magical skills to speak of. And that’s why this one hurts, you guys. But I have to admit it: Xander Harris is just relentlessly angry when it comes to women he’s attracted to, and we’re supposed to just let it slide. cheap jordans and nikes

Let’s start with how cruel he is to Buffy, one of his best friends and someone he has an unrequited crush on for years. In the episode “Halloween,” when Buffy protects him from cheap jordans sale a bully, Xander yells at her for “humiliating” him instead of thanking her. and she’s the one who ends up apologizing to him, as he is a man baby. Or see “Revelations” and “Becoming Part 2,” in which he manipulates Buffy multiple times for having the gall to be in love with someone who’s not him.

But all that might not be as bad as “Entropy,” wherein Xander beats the hell out of Spike (if you’re a Buffy novice, he’s the white haired vampire with impeccable, ungodly cheekbones) because he had sex with Anya, Xander’s ex. Never mind that he left Anya at the altar and they weren’t together anymore because of him, or that cheap jordans online Anya, being a single woman, could have sex with anyone she wanted to, male, female, or super demon. He even tries to slut shame her (“I look at you. I feel sick. Because you had sex with that”), and then turns it right around on Buffy when he finds out that she’d had sex with Spike too.

And no one calls him out on it, because poor nerdy Xander is just too fragile and likable to ever face the repercussions of the shittiest parts of his personality.

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